Story 22. Love that is infinite

I was reviewing my son’s study the other night. He learned about the ‘infinite’ number (∞) during his math class. He was fascinated by its concept of infinity and incessantly babbled about it. On the other hand, I, a lover of abstract philosophy, felt intrigued to hear the word ‘infinity’ from my 13-year-old who is yet to comprehend our human life and death itself. So I asked him,

“Do you know the meaning of infinity?” “Yes.” “Explain it to me.”

“Do you want a scientific or unscientific answer?” “Both.”

“The first answer, the earth spins in infinity. The second, mother’s love is infinite!”

“Hah hah hah…you think so?” “Yes, I am sure!”

That made my day. Dictionary defines the meaning of ‘infinity’ as something that has no ending, limitless, boundless…etc. He thinks my love towards him represent the best of it all. How sweet he is, how much he has grown from that little bundle wrapped in a blanket, often crying all nights long for no apparent reason. Since then, as though I had fast forwarded time, he now can say pleasing things like this, which I knew he really meant it. Like any other mother who can’t help but to be lopsided and blind when it comes to her offspring, I, too, felt proud to hear such appreciation from him, despite I am not exactly the most affectionate nor patient type of mother (I am nagging and strict. He is afraid of me more than his father).

The word love always stirs up diversity of our human emotion as it is the most natural and instinctive desires for not only human but all living species. It is well known factors that the babies or lab mice boost up in their growth rate when they were regularly held and stroked by the caretakers compared to those weren’t. I don’t have much memories of my childhood because my parents were not the most affectionate types. But I had loving relatives and mother’s friends in her hometown. What I still remember distinctively are all those moments that I was praised and loved by them whenever we visited there, even as early as three to four years old. Like my parents, though, I believe in tough love than rosy sweet chocolate flavor ones. When it comes to love, my values are rather old fashioned and conservative like Confucius’. But I learned how to be sweet as well as to be strict about which my son knows the best.

When I first went to the US for study, “I love you” was the most common but uncomfortable expression for me to adapt. Teachers, friends, landlords…they often tagged those words at the end of our conversation even if we weren’t as close as family or lovers. Whenever I heard those words, I didn’t know how to respond except blurring out. I’ve gotten better with time but still I couldn’t use it so casually because I could not mean it. For me, love is something very intimate and delicate feeling that can be felt only when our hearts are open and truly connected. I honestly couldn’t feel that kind of love with outsiders, not even with myself. In those days I was pretty uptight and armored, to wear suits and heels to class when other course mates came in with T-shirts and slippers. My hubby had a hard time opening my heart when we first met. It is not that I had a heart cold like ice but too soft that I got hurt easily many times before. So I closed it off as a way to protect myself.

In my youth, like everyone else, I spent fairly confused years to find the kinds of love from fairy tales or movies alike. I still remember the Brook Shield’s movie Endless Love, a teen love story in which the beauty and eyebrows of Shield’s were something of legendry. I’ve forgotten the story line but do remember its aching feeling after the movie that lingered in my heart for quite some time. I was in my late teen, an ordinary and shy girl with nothing much to shout about to attract any kinds of attention. Somehow the movie awakened in me, for the first time, the desire to love and to be loved. Maybe it was around that time I started to get acutely aware of the world around me as well. Before then, I lived in my own dream land alone and aloof.

My first love was the class monitor in my third year of high school. Smart, tall and athletic with a strong leadership, she was the teachers’ pet. I was mediocre, short and clumsy with unimpressive timidity. She was everything that I was not. Teachers or friends alike, they hardly noticed that I even existed. She looked so afar from me when jumping and shooting balls during school basket ball games (I was a bench sitter). I secretly marked her in my heart. I felt every symptom of lovesick. She made my heart race and pound whenever I think or get the glimpses of her. I felt miserable when I couldn’t see her during long school holidays. One day I wrote her letters to express my intense feelings, a bold move for an assuming girl that I was at the time. She never wrote me back. But she did give me some attentions after that, like occasionally helping me with my study or sitting next to me in the canteen. I was happy as long as it lasted though it was just for few months as we were in the final year of high school. Soon we went about our separate ways with graduation and so did my feeling of which I thought was love then. In retrospect, it was more of admiration, than love, toward someone who was so much different than I at the time. Yet vulnerable feelings toward someone somehow triggered unconscious parts hidden in me. I suddenly became aware of my existence, desires and tendencies. I was much more tough and independent than I thought with a keen inclination toward learning and knowledge. She got married almost right after high school, settling as a mother and housewife early. I moved onto having more explorations and adventures for love and life.

I had few more heartaches since then, in search of the endless love kinds, but always falling for off-targets that were either not possible or unavailable. I felt burdened by the intense longing in my heart, strong desire for something subtle, ulterior than ordinary, mundane. I searched for lofty love, beautiful but mysterious, platonic than erotic. I couldn’t find one. Few years ding ding dong dong… I was the last single left among friends, colleagues and sisters. Feeling miserable and lonely, I wandered around in mountains and bookstores. Well, one day I woke up. I was looking for someone like a god not a man, but I rather not settle than compromising. I resolved myself for singlehood and to focus on spiritual paths instead because, in there, they say I could find divine love that is so perfect that doesn’t make my heart ever painful, anxious or sad. It would put my heart at ease, peaceful and blissful like sweet honey dew. I decided to find that love.

I have met many fellow seekers, teachers, seeing much, learning much from them. They unanimously described about the omnipresent, divine love that which is not depended upon who we are, what I am, where we are, but which is safe, unconditional, eternal, universal and infinite regardless of race, gender, wealth, time or space. And yet, I couldn’t find anyone who actually seemed to have it. As I get to know them closely, I soon realized that they all still suffered the same human flaws and emotional wrecks as I was. How do I find, experience the divine love that is boundless and everlasting? Do I have to go through the kinds of severe Tapas like fasting or not sleeping for days and nights, pilgrimage to temples and mountains in bare foot and rags, or walk through fire and cross stormy deserts? I didn’t think so. I didn’t have such a great zeal and feat. So I gave up on love. I thought I could live without it as I was more of a stoic person then.

But love found me when I least expected, not in the flesh or dramatic way I had imagined but in the most unrecognizable way like how water soaks paper. When I met my then husband-to-be, he was no rich prince charming in white horse but with a weird beard and cheeky grin like a big teddy bear. But he was kind, caring and knowledgeable. More than anything, he understood me well when I talk about divine love in my broken English. Yet I didn’t know he would be my mate because he neither made my heart beat faster or anxious. But I felt safe and joyous when I was with him. He didn’t challenge me with feelings but brought to my attention about the obnoxious mental rigidity that was the very cause of my misery. He made me aware of my own folly by simply reflecting back my own shadows of perfectionism. For the first time in my life, I understood how it feels to be loved by a man who shares the same pulsation toward life. I wasn’t sure, though, whether that was the kind of love I was looking for. I hesitated for a while because my head said different things than my heart. I decided to follow my heart by accepting his hands despite the contradictions that my intellect was bickering about. I made a right choice on that.

However it was much, much later that I gradually came to understand what infinite divine love is, how to find and how it is coming from. No, it didn’t come from him, nor descend directly from heaven but through the very life I was living here and now, through the very people I love and interact every day. Most significantly when I started to accept, love myself and life as it is, only then could I really understand how love that which is our inborn nature can resonate from the bottom of my heart. Since then almost twenty years… I now can feel genuine love and affection toward others, especially when our eyes come across to meet, but I still can’t verbalize love that easily. Because love that is infinite is beyond what we can describe with words; it can only be lived. It takes time and self disciplines if we were to live and breathe love. Many were asking me why I have not written any stories since last posting months ago. I needed silence because suddenly there were flood of realization, of love and of life that I needed to contain the intense feelings before I could say anything at all. In all of our lives, how much the desire for love is at the heart of everything we do, everything we live for; and yet how further people have gotten away from it? I felt tremendous pain when I saw that. All our efforts in lives are nothing but paramount search for love that is infinite that can only be found from the sacred heart within. We need to turn around inside ourselves. The sacredness of love, the true reflection of our pure self has been spoilt and corrupted much as eroticism or narcissism only. How unfortunate…! In upcoming stories, I would like to share those infinite love stories in a hope to enrich your lives with happiness and freedom with the endless love that is within our reach all along…

Story 21. Why not carry a candle to remove darkness?

I don’t like flipping through daily newspapers, TV or internet as there is more gloomy news than good ones. When I do that, I make sure I do the minimum, just to stay informed with the latest social development. But whatever I read or hear, I am not quiet sure as how true and reliable they are. Because if I were to take seriously of all that, then, it feels as if we are heading toward the doomsday in any time soon. Every day, everywhere, the media is so busy to stir up insecurity, provoke fear and manipulate power that which only increases the chain reactions of panic and tension in public. We human beings can’t thrive too well when functioning from fear, insecurity and threats. Under constant tensions and threats, we are likely to become more defensive and destructive than positive and optimistic.

The sole purpose of the media is just to provoke all kinds of fears, worries and insecurities in us as much as they can. The 99% of what they are reporting, circulating is all about problems and corruptions here, tragedy and disasters there, if not gossiping about the celebrities’ latest affairs or their yo-yo weights. The media just loves to offer us with a perpetual drip, drip of scary stuff. They have the scoop on the latest threat; and they’re graciously letting us know, offering advice, warning us, blah-blah-blah.

What do they get in return? They get to control us by playing our psychic and survival instincts, so that they can sell their agendas on behalf of the institutional powers they are representing; so that they get to manipulate us into buying whatever the dominant market forces might want to sell. Isn’t that a great pity to play the helpless puppets in their string? Isn’t that a waste of our time, precious life just to sit around feeling worried and scared all the time, instead of going out to see what else life has to offer? Is our life meant to do nothing but just to defend and prepare against any possible odds in life, like accidents, diseases, tragedy, robbery and cheats that which might or might not happen to us? I don’t think so. As Mark Twain said, 98% of our fears never come true.

Life meant to sustain itself to live, not to annihilate. It was never meant to be continual disaster and tragedy of one kind and another. When we open our eyes and hearts, there are so much goodness and beauty than those ugly things that the media not are reporting to us. Why are they doing that? It’s the game of control they play; gloomy news attracts more attention and it is easier to control people through fear rather than hope. They are out to increase their power and control by constantly reminding us with what is lacking and what we need to have more, rather than what we already have are enough and thereby need to share more with others, together to elevate the qualities of our lives and uplift our spirit to soar towards the highest and noblest causes.

It is our natural desire to be happy and well, and we deserve just that, to enjoy and to become the best we meant to be in life. While some say, there are so much evil, injustice and wrongdoings rampant in the world out there, and the global economic crisis is yet to hit our shore, how can we just sit and relax and take it easy? Then, what do they suggest instead? Up and down, wail and cry every time some bomb knocks off people in somewhere far off country, or go crazy together with volatile stock market? Or keep up with whatever they suggest, by buying this and that, by upgrading this and that, so that we can feel safe and secure, or work 24/7 not to get hit by retrenchment? I really don’t believe that is the way to counter life’s darkness that which will be always there as a part of package offered in the school of life we all have enrolled.

It is written in the Pantanjali Yoga Sutra that, when the negative feelings restrict us, the opposite should be cultivated. Why not inculcate the better habit of carrying a candle whenever you see darkness is looming? By nature, we are resilient beings, not much physically compared to the rest of mammals, but mentally and spiritually we are enormously strong. We are much more magnanimous beings than we know of, capable of gaining full enlightenment in this life time like the Buddha, Jesus, Socrates, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and many others who walked on the earth as we do. What is common in them? They all went against what their social conventions tried to sell it to them. They didn’t buy into it, neither fought; but simply acted accordingly what they felt right in their heart; they didn’t toil or struggle to standoff against the giant odds in their society. Instead they simply lived and did their own thing regardless of what others or authorities might say. They carried a candle to lighten up their life and others regardless of the wind or tornado. Why can’t we?

How? Be watchful of negative energy, bad people and all other kinds of basic do’s and don’ts to keep your family and you safe and healthy. But don’t become neurotic or go hysterical until you have to sleep with an electrical bat just in the case a thief comes in at night (my boy’s school friend who lives in a bungalow with bullet proof doors does that). Your very focus on the negative things in life, in fact, can backfire you like a powerful magnet, as we attract what we put our attention the most. Be vigilant but don’t forget to breathe and be serene. In challenging times like this, where goodness, kindness, and optimism seem so scarce to come by, why not you become the candle around your loved ones by refining and raising your energy levels?

Aching back and pain in the neck by too much sitting and fixation to computer? Don’t go to doctor. They will give you pills but will add that you have to exercise more. So step aside and stretch your body up and down and twist sideways. Do few up and down dog like how my naughty Doberman does when he is bored. Bloating tummy and gas in the afternoon? Don’t swallow pain killers. Sit with a straight back, be in the office, in the car or in the couch, adjust your shoulders and posture to be comfortable; and then, place your hands, one on the chest and one on the tummy; do the few deep breathing until you can feel the movements on your both hands, gently rising and falling together with the breaths. Don’t forget to squeeze your lower abdomen slightly at the end of each out-breath. Need to be calmer and cheer up? Don’t go to psychologist. Close your eyes (or half close if you have to pretend to work) with your attention between the eyebrows. Imagine little spark of light from there spreading, spreading its brightness to fill your whole body, to the whole room or office, even to your nasty bosses…and say to yourself, darkness is disappearing, darkness is disappearing, all there is light, all there is light…5 to 10 minutes would do. Everybody else in the world go crazy because they are so mental and stressful. I suggest you don’t buy into that. Trot along with your conscious breathing, upright posture and positive emotion. That is the candle we should not forget to carry with us wherever we are, whatever we are doing it. Then, you are safe. I guarantee. Cheers!

Story 20. Let's have a Yoga break

Everybody heard of Yoga these days but almost everybody has few misconceptions about Yoga as well. Few of the examples are; for women and young only, weight-loss, huffing-puffing breath control, can’t bend, can’t sweat, religion, etc. Among those, the weighty issue comes on top of the list. People often ask “What is Yoga for? What can Yoga do?” What they are actually asking is whether or not Yoga can make them lose weight. Whenever they ask me like that, I go “Umm…” first. I try my best to give them better answer than what they are indirectly asking. I am not good at doing sales talks or pushing people around with pep talks. But I feel obliged to share correct knowledge, objective and balanced information, to help people make better decision, be educated and obtain right perspective. Some likes my approach; some do not, especially if they are afraid of the word “diet.”

Diet simply means the food we eat but it has been mostly synonymous with being on a diet. They will flee if I mention the word, diet. Just like any other exercise, done regularly in consistent manner, Yoga will help you to shed extra pounds and trim body line. But then, if you don’t watch what you eat, no matter how much you exercise or burn calories, it is of little help. Our body is not like an automated machine that you can control its operation depending on which button you press. Besides, there are many other factors to be considered, like gender, age, diets, lifestyle, genetic make-up, etc, that contribute to the bulging tummy and escalating numbers on the weight-scale. In the high technological era we live, in where anything is possible with a click, many look for a quick fix but cannot appreciate the virtue of patience and the art of discipline of which what Yoga is about in the first place.

People do not like to hear the words like, patience or discipline; most will immediately head to the door. But that’s what it is. It is the most comprehensive and beautiful words that can summarize Yoga. You don’t need super paramount of time and efforts but few simple steps at a time in a consistent manner will do the wonders. Once you start, then, the subtle transformation in our body, mind and heart happens quite naturally and automatically. You stand differently, you walk and talk differently, you feel and think differently. You are standing taller, you breathe fuller, your think clearer, you handle your emotion better; but more than anything, your spirit radiates more confidence and lightness around you.

We are the beings of energy. We constantly respond to the energy, consciously and unconsciously, in everything we do. If we exude heavy, cluttered and dull energy, then, what comes back to us is the same pattern of negative and unwholesome energy. There always will be plenty of problems, obstacles, endless chores to juggle, to make you run around like the hamsters in the wheel. But if your energy is refined and settled, if your being and manners are somehow more coherent, then, the people around you start to respond in more positive ways. Yes, one of the many benefits, besides its mental and physical benefits, is uplifting of your spirit to generate calm and peaceful energy around you. Your spouse and children will find easier talking to you because you are more patient and light-hearted. People will like to come around near you because you make them feel secure. The doctor’s bills will come down significantly, because you don’t get sick or feel tired as much as before. Somehow you can spot yourself better before start turning the same cycles of struggling and fighting in the hamster’s wheel that reaches nowhere.

Yoga is the process of energy transmutation to refine and bring closer to your center; to release stress and tension; to ease the various aches in the body; to clear the hazy mind; and to handle the fluctuating emotions better. It brings up the brilliant light within you, to shine every aspects of your life, so that you can lighten up your energy to enjoy more harmonious relationships with the people around you. Yoga helps you not only to become fit and healthy physically, but also to be beautiful, confident and positive mentally. You will also become much more stable, open-minded and loving emotionally; more compassionate, sensitive and joyful spiritually. You see, the benefits of practicing Yoga are so multidimensional, that, how can I simply answer in plain “yes or no” to the questions that are sometimes, not so congruent.

We are the beings of body, mind and spirit. Whatever we do to our body, thereby, has direct and indirect effects on our mind as well as heart. Just because we can’t see the mind, emotion or heart that many assume that Yoga is for the body only. When your body is tired and sick, no matter how much you love your spouse, kids, can you talk to them in a nice way? When your mind and emotion are messy with worries and fears, do you notice the loss of appetite and terrible constipation? When you are depressed or feeling rejected, can you remember the grace of God? We go about beating the bushes in finding solutions for whatever problems we might be facing in life; doctor’s pills, TV, the computer games, chocolates and ice creams, alcohols and cigarettes, pub and party, or sleeping...etc. They are the means to suppress or forget the problem momentarily but not the wise solution. It’s more like covering your eyes with hands so that you can believe they are not there. In fact, the very solution lies, in our willingness to turn around our lopsided attitudes. So much easier to spice up your life with a bit of discipline than, to continue burying your nose in the bushes.

My recommendation to any of your problem will be, by doing the very things that you don’t want do; hold onto your temper before you burst it out, do the slow and deliberate five breathings before you say anything nasty to regret later, move the body to exercise, do the 12, 30, 50 or 108 times of the sun salutations, then, lie down on the floor and do the Yoga Nidra… You can see the heaven. You can see yourself floating in the clouds up there. When you wake up, you can see how beautiful your eyes, your glowing face is; how precious your kids and spouse are; how fortunate and blessed your life is. Why not slow down, take one deep breath at a time, and open your eyes and heart to look around? There are so much beauty, goodness and peace all around us. Why not fill your heart with lightness and laughter rather than unnecessary fears and worries of the massive negativity and desperation in the world out there? Our life is so precious to squander away with petty, mind boggling endless chores and clutters. Time is slipping through our fingers. Why not take a Yoga break, to learn to come home? Your home is the body in where your spirit can find its peace. Give yourself a Yoga break regularly; you will find overflowing love for life. If we find ourselves too busy, too occupied, even for that couple of hours for Yoga in a week of 168 hours, then, something is terribly wrong with us. There also won’t be much space in our heart to love, care and enjoy the gifts of life. Then, we are living but not really living… Come this Sunday, to join us for the morning Sun salutions!!

story 19. Make and Believe

Since small, I was never good at pretending something that I am not, nor do anything that I was not willing. My mother could never persuade me, the nerdy and obstinate little lot. I wouldn’t say I was stubborn but was definitely the typical-difficult second daughter in the row of three. There is an old saying in our culture. “First daughter is a treasure to the parents; she looks after house affairs like a second mother. Third daughter is the gem; you don’t even have to see her to marry. The second one? Hammed between the first and third, she has her mind of own. It’s best to leave her alone.”

My mother well abided in the saying. She didn’t bother me (though I was her favorite). My elder sister was always busy to help mother and take care of us. She was also the smartest in term of study. My younger sister was the friendly and sociable one. There was always someone calling at the gate to go out and play. The usual children’s games of make-believe or seek-hide, etc, didn’t appeal much to me, however. So I spent my time mostly alone, in my own head, occupied with reading or daydreaming.

When we did something wrong to make our mother angry, younger sister was always the one to escape first. She would immediately kneel down and beg for forgiveness. She seldom got cane while we were growing up. Myself? I got some. Being proud but not as tough like elder sister, I would refuse to beg at first but yielded soon after few canes. Elder sister was the real stubborn one like a bull. She would rather tolerate pain and bear mother’s anger until mother gave up. She got beaten a lot but it seemed she can take it all without grudges. She loved mother dearly and did all the work for her. Myself, occasionally and reluctantly would do; my younger sister almost never. She played the princess in the house.

Same parents, same upbringing… we all are turned up to be so different. We each chose our path, consciously or unconsciously, according to how our characters were, what expectations were put onto us. Younger sister married much earlier than me to a well-off family. Elder sister chose a staunch missionary husband to settle in the far off country of Russia, living the sacrificial life that their Lord called upon to them. I chose my own independent path because I had my own mind of being unorthodox. I was a bit of rebel, not externally but internally. Deep philosophical issues like life and death appealed me for such a young teen girl. Somehow I believed in certain universal power that I didn’t know what. Deep in my heart, there was the belief in the Universal Power that which governs and maintains our life and the entire universe in such a perfect harmony and orderliness. I wanted to find out what that was. I put myself the constant pressure that I had no idea of how and what. I made my belief in something that is so intangible and inconceivable that it became almost obsession.

My sisters and friends thought I was a weird-o. It didn’t bother me of what they think. The pain in my heart, not knowing how to get in touch with the Power, I just kept knocking my head here and there while they left me alone. It was good that they left me alone, or else I might have been ended up to be one of the obedient but frustrated housewives to a dominating Korean man that you see in Korean dramas from the Astro Channel 303. Then I would have never come out of the country nor have met you at all. By virtue of doing ‘soul searching’ from early in my life, I somehow managed to carve my life path different than the rest of my people, of which I like it much better than how I might have been otherwise.

Anyway, the certain belief in me, not imposed by others but by myself, led me to explore different religions, mysticism, philosophies or the various New Age stuffs, in attempt to understand my inner struggles. It seemed they were all pointing at the same thing, the universal Power, though they might call it differently according to their own religious terms or spiritual preference. But I was not yet fully convinced. After all I was the ‘second daughter’ who doesn’t easily make-believe with what others say. I got to find out myself with my own experience. Not stubborn but not easy to bully either. So I kept the world and people in distance until I could finally be convinced in the Truth. Some of you who knew me earlier might remember how cold and distant I looked in those days…Time is God and Life is the Teacher and People are our salvation.

It has been increasingly clear to me that there IS certain magnificent power in life that we owe our lives to, the invisible Power of the universe. Whether we are aware or not, the Power is always in work, that which has brought us into life and continuously looking after until we leave the earth. There was the connection I started to see between all of us and the Power. The presence of It became more obvious while living a family life as ordinarily as possible, teaching and relating with the people around me with what I believe in. I was not alone. I was not weird-o. They were also all looking for something but didn’t know where to turn. As I shared my experiences and understandings about the Power, it became even clearer that everybody instinctively agree upon the existence of the Power but do not know how to access or bring it to fully conscious level of awareness.

The sense of wonder when you look up to the night sky to discover the full moon following you around; the swelling joy and heartfelt pride when you saw your kid taking the very first step in his/her own…they are the glimpse of the Power. The morning breeze smelling of thunder and heavy down fall, the stray cat stealing foods from a alter outside of a neighbor, the little beautiful birds flying around in hubby’s orchid garden… they add such delicate ‘aha’ moments to the life’s magic and beauty. They are the taste of the Power. We meant to enjoy and treasure life in so far as our awareness is intact with It. When we lose that, we become bitter, isolated, confused and easy to feel meaningless with everyone, everything that we encounter. We endlessly complain, grumble and worry by picking on problems, imperfections rather than goodness, beauty. Then life becomes such ordinary, lackluster and burdensome. I don’t know about others but I can’t stand when life feels so monatomic. When I can sustain the presence of Power in me, then, there is aliveness, purpose, energy and direction.

The Power I believed in and searched for was, nothing sort of mysterious or miraculous like how I had imagined before. But it was the conviction, confidence and awakening to the inner power within me that we all owe life, to live somehow more magnificent, extra ordinary rather than small, ordinary. Due to our lack of ability to be aware, to see life as a whole in a bigger picture that it causes separation, segregation, misunderstanding and conflicts among us; but it’s not our real intention or nature to think and behavior otherwise. If we dive it a bit further, we can penetrate the layers, layers of restless body and mind, the thick slumbers of countless tendencies and ingrained habits, standing in the way of our better self. Given the choice, no one would like to live with the ugliness in us. We all have the choice to choose. We become what we believe in.

What do you believe you are and you should be? Anything that you want it to be. Make and believe. We have the power within us, but you have to be willing to tap into It. That takes some reconstruction and refinement of your belief windows if you weren’t in the habit of asking questions to Life until now. I believe living life should be much richer, joyful and extra ordinary experiences. We owe at least that much to our life to be happy and well, inwardly as well as outwardly.

Please come to the next Saturday presentation, 18^th April 2.30 – 4 pm; “Changing Your Life, Destiny and Fortune”. I am sharing the very secrets of ancient as well as modern real life hero’s discovery on how to access and utilize the Power to enrich our lives materially as well as spiritually. Everybody, whether or not you are current or old student, if you have come to read this story, then, we are connected in a very special way so that we can share this priceless life lessons and wisdom to grow together. Innocence is one of the best qualities that lead to the Truth that we all are searching for in life. Fear is the worst company you can live with in life. Thinking too much is a bad habit that must be counter-acted. So don’t hesitate too much on what I am up to but just come to hear nice stories in person. I will see you all that day without me sending anymore reminder emails.

Good day! Beth.

If you are new and wasn’t aware of my story postings in the Blog, please go to: www.bethsyoga.com.my to read more stores that I posted previously.

Story 18. The magic wand, "the purpose" of your life

Have you ever wondered “What is the purpose of life? What is the purpose of my life?”
I have. In fact, all the time. I searched high and low, trying to figure out how to make a sense out of this seemingly ordinary and uneventful life for as long as I can remember. I often wondered; what’s the meaning of all the hustle-bustles in life when nothing seem to be lasting forever. One day we all are going to disappear into thin air. Then, what’s point of being born, living in the first place? I struggled with my innate pessimism and lack of motivation as I wanted life to show me “the purpose” so that I can strive to live for better reason.

It was not until recently that it dawn on me, I WAS living the very life I sought for, though I was unaware at times. That’s when my 13 year-old asked me what my favorite book was in my growing up years. Yes. I loved reading story books when I was small, frequently venturing into the world of fantasy, adventures in my imagination. What I wanted was, a magic wand with the power to transform mine as well as others’ lives to something extra ordinary, from being ordinary and boring ones. I finally came to understand life by simply looking back my footsteps in the past that was stretched to the present and until the future.

One of my favorite books was “the adventure of Robinson Crusoe.” It is the story of a man who got stranded in an island in his youth, finding ways to survive alone for 30 over years before he finally returned to his homeland of Spain. (If you do not know the full story, you can borrow it from your children’s school library.) His lonesome adventure, in how he managed to learn all the life skills of farming, sowing, cooking and figuring out time, seasons, and others, somehow captured my young heart in a strange way. I read the book many times.

It dawn on me that the choices I made in my life were very much influenced by what those stories had formed in my young psychic, especially the adventure of Robinson Crusoe. Like him, I settled into a completely unknown land, away from home, culture and family; thereby learning all the life skills by my own of which I have never knew or trained before. How interesting! I realized that whatever impression that went into during our childhood, stores deep into our sub consciousness to manifest in strange ways later; thereby shaping our future, influencing the choices we make and the directions we take in life. We just don’t know or can’t foresee at that time.

In choosing the life path to tread on, consciously and unconsciously, I always chose the path of psychic forces, consciousness rather than conventional social and material realms. Of course, it was much more difficult than just going along with others as there was not much help or guidance, except the faint voice from my own heart. I asked the question of ‘why’ to life but it came back with my own echo not the clear-cut answer like mathematical formula. I had to fight my inner demons of doubts, uncertainty, fear and loneliness alone.

But then, I didn’t mind being lonely, facing difficulties or having to work hard to overcome challenges. What I could not stand was, giving up hope, the belief for a bigger, larger world than the earth plane; mystical and transcendental place that exists beyond this mundane plane; in where lights, goodness, peace, and selfless love are all abundant. I could not let the ugliness that I see in people and the world to overshadow my inner belief, and that life is somehow meant to be more beautiful, precious and unique experiences than being the physical, sensual ones only.

Maybe I became a dreamer by reading too much story books. But then, I didn’t fancy becoming the princess in trouble but of the fairy who has the magic power to transform, not the damsel who waits to get rescued, but of the heroes and heroines whose courage and strength always outshine the evil powers. When I saw people who are lost, with no sense of purpose or direction, I always felt this insatiable urge to awaken them up. Whenever I saw their uncertain and confused look, I pondered myself how to clear the ‘cloud’ so that they can see more clearly of themselves and the directions. I wanted a magic wand and I found that. The magic wand with the power to awaken us from the slumbers of lifeless, helpless and mediocre dream in where we experience no life, energy and enthusiasm to strive on, but fear, tiredness, insecurity, pain and desperation… It is in each one of us; that I have realized through my dreamy journey.

What is the magic wand? The Purpose of Our Life! Then how do we know what our purpose is. The moment when you ask to yourself the very question “what is my life purpose?” is where you will find the answer. Pause a moment. Go within. In that silence, you can hear the echo of your question and can “see” the answer. The truth is that, there is no “purpose” in life except the one that we give it to it. Whatever purpose, reason we give to our life, our life delivers just that. Do you want to be rich or famous? Life will bring you that. Do you want to be the powerful and successful? You will be. But then, there are prices to pay. The price is your willingness to dream, your openness to explore another routes than what you are familiar with. Your life purpose will show you how to go about the rest.

Life is not just acquiring or becoming this and that. Living life is continuous process to experience, expand and grow with a vision toward higher aim; not some things that once you have it or reached to it, then, you can forget about it. Whether it be education, career, spouse, children, cars or houses, money… Underlying all that is the desire to be happy, to feel worthwhile, to be more wholesome and complete, materially as well as spiritually. What route do we choose to bring the satisfaction of our desires is up to us, up to our inherent inclination and innate talents.

It is we who give the permission to our life to live the dream, the purpose we decide on. The purpose we find in our heart, is the magic wand; it will bring all the necessary strength, energy, direction, resources and assistance as we take the first step of asking question to unfold our life purpose, our destiny to live the kinds of greater life that we choose to live. Instead of feeling late, sorry or regret for not having started earlier to dream on, why not you start now, to dream for more beauty, enchantment and wonder in the magic world of your purposeful life? It took me longer time to figure out this but I guarantee yours wouldn’t. I also guarantee that it is much easier and simpler than what you think.

To learn more, you can come to the talk on “A Wish-fulfilling Cow” on 18th April, 2.30pm to 4pm. Those who have missed the first one due to the Chingming, and those who came but want your loved ones to hear, most welcome to join again.